You Will Not Be Alone
by Pica
Summary: A filler between Unfinished Business and The Eye of Jupiter. How did Kara and Lee's relationship change? LeeKara Angst
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Battlestar Galactica

Lee/Kara Angst - Potential Spoilers in the Future

Rating: T

I just needed a filler between Unfinished Business and The Eye of Jupiter

_No You Will Not Be Alone_

She looked so alone, forlorn…how many times had he thought about talking to her. Gods, she was always on his mind, evermore since she challenged him to the fight, it had only gotten worse. So many times he lacked the courage to try, to try and reestablish a connection with Kara. Slowly, looking around at the deserted corridor, he realized he couldn't walk away this time.

He could hear her whispering prayers to the Gods, for someone who professed to move on quickly after death, it seemed Kat's death had affected her deeply. Lee took a deep breath and approached Kara as she stood before the memorial wall. So many souls lost, just like the one standing before him. Lee didn't know how Kara would react. Did anyone ever know how Starbuck would react? That was part of her appeal, you had to know how to handle Starbuck. Would she be angry, shy, or the worst he could imagine – cold and distant? Would she act like he had never been apart of her life, as if they never meant anything to each other, he had to know.

Lee stood there, fear and anxiety gripping his insides as he laid his hand gently on her right shoulder and squeezed. Her surprise was visibly apparent in her reddened eyes. She quickly turned back toward the collage of pictures.

"Hi," was the only syllable she uttered. Lee increased the pressure gently on her shoulder.

"Kara… she knew what she was doing," Lee stated softly, willing her to look at him. "She was smart enough to know when to stop, you can't blame yourself."

"Well Lee, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I know I had more to do with it than you realize. Once again, I've screwed up. A good pilot is dead because I was a hardass. When will you learn what I am…?" Kara bowed her head and pulled away with that last statement.

Lee could see a tear roll from the side of her face. He realized instantly Kara was broken, tired of the fight. This wasn't like Starbuck. Where was the female warrior he had fallen in love with? Kara never broke down, it just wasn't in her nature, she had told him emphatically on several occasions. He didn't hesitate when he turned her to face him and embraced her tightly. He felt her sigh and shutter with the last bit of control of her emotions. Whispering softly in her ear, murmuring nonsense he felt her gradually relax.

"I think we need to go somewhere private, follow me," Lee urged as he pulled her along out of the memorial corridor, off to the right there was a small storage locker. He pulled her in, turned quickly, and closed the hatch.

He turned the switch to a dim overhead light and watched Kara slide down the side a large crate and bury her head in her hands. Lee moved closer and slid down next to Kara reaching to embrace and pull her against his side. She stiffened at the contact but gradually gave herself into the comfort he offered. They sat quietly against the crate for several moments. Sitting with her, feeling her against him, it was as if the past year had melted away. Lee listened as Kara's breathing became more even and her trembling began to ease. Using his free hand, Lee pushed back the short blonde strands from Kara's forehead. He leaned forward and gently placed his lips on her forehead.

"You need to talk, I need to listen," Lee urged gently.

"Lee, I can't, not now, not after everything," Kara replied softly.

She was right. There were so many things between them. So much unsaid, could they ever make it right? Lee didn't know if it was possible, but he was willing to try. He knew that seeing Kara again, working with her, and wanting her as he did was driving him to a breaking point. Their fight did little to relieve the tension, interactions between them were still awkward and unnatural.

After a moment, in a soft voice, Kara questioned, "Where do you want me to start?" Her voice was raspy with the tears she had shed. She looked at him for the first time since he approached her.

"Just start talking, about anything, anything at all…"

Pausing to collect herself, Kara began quietly, "I'm sorry, Lee. I'm sorry for everything. I have carried this with me since the day I married Sam. What I did was…"

Kara stopped talking and dipped her head to take a deep breath. Lee lifted her chin and met her eyes.

"I'm sorry too Kara. You're right, what I did, making love to you when I knew you cared for Sam. It wasn't one of my better decisions. I think I felt trapped, I knew you wanted to settle on New Caprica and I could bear the thought of letting you go without knowing how I felt. It was why a sought you out when I should have been elsewhere. I knew after the shock of your marriage that I pushed you towards it. You even said that night that you weren't getting married. I knew you were with Sam, but it didn't stop me. I couldn't stop. I don't regret it, but I'm sorry," Lee stated quietly.

"I'm not sorry about what we did either. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Gods, Lee I never meant to hurt you. When I woke up that morning all I could think about was how it was the most beautiful night of my life, but in the same moment, I knew if I let "us" happen, it would destroy us. I didn't want to lose you, so I did the one thing that pushed you away forever. I told you I'm a frack up," declared Kara as she rested her head against his shoulder.

Moving his mouth near her ear, Lee whispered softly, "I still care for you Kara, regardless of what you think. I hurt for a long time. I was furious with you, I hated myself for what I had done. I cursed you for all the unhappiness in my life, but I know you weren't solely responsible. We both had a hand in the situation."

With the heavy weight of those spoken words between them, neither knew what to say next. Lee and Kara sat quietly not looking at each other, but deep in thought about the other. After a few tense minutes, Kara quietly asked the question they were both thinking.

"So what now, how do we move on?"

"I don't know if I can move on. Kara… I've never stopped loving you. I married Dee because I thought it would fill the void you left. The only thing I filled was my face and that didn't work at all, you saw the result."

"You were looking pretty pudgy there when we first returned to Galactica." Kara emphasized with a small smile and a poke to his midsection.

Grabbing her hand, he squeezed as he responded, "Thanks, I'll remember that." Lee smiled to himself thinking this was the Kara he remembered. He smiled back. Something happened as always with them, magnetic and forceful, a fascination without end, the attraction they always seemed to fight until that one night on New Caprica.

"Lee…" Kara whispered. Kara barely heard Lee murmur her name as his lips met hers. Months faded away and she was once again on that stretch of sand in Lee's arms. It was as if no time had passed. The kiss began gently, but turned demanding and urgent. Tongues entwined and danced, entranced with the taste of each other, it was several moments before Lee pulled away.

"We can't do this Kara…" Lee was only inches from her lips. His breath was heavy and she could feel his heart race beneath her palm.

"Lee, when have you ever known me to do the right thing?"

Lee shook his head as if shaking away cobwebs from his mind. He placed both of his hands on either side of her face, cupping it and wiping away the blonde fringe that had fallen in her eyes.

"Kara, I can't stop, Gods help me, but ..." Lee leaned forward to kiss her gently. Kara didn't resist, but melted into Lee. Leaning slowly to the side Lee pulled Kara so they were both lying on their sides facing each other. They continued to kiss and touch, and discover what the other had missed for so many months. Eventually, wrapped in each others arms Kara shared many of her secrets. Lee held her as she cried and murmured soft soothing phrases until she calmed down. He learned of things he could only dream of in nightmares. Each person on Galactica had their own personal set of demons, but it seemed Kara had more than her fair share. He learned of so many things, the Farm back on Caprica, Casey, the daughter Kara thought was hers, her imprisonment by Leoben, and the failure her marriage had become. He held her tighter with every story and he knew this time it would be even more difficult to let her go.

to be continued?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Battlestar Galactica.

More fillers between episodes. I used the last chapter and rewrote it from Kara's perspective. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 2

The weight of guilt hung around her pushing all else away. She had to make this trip to the memorial corridor. She didn't want to look again at the faces that were lost forever, but she felt she needed to, anything to unburden herself from the black haze in which she was living. Guilt. It seemed she always had it with her.

Kara stood back and stared after pinning Kat's picture to the board. She wouldn't forget her, she never forgot any of them. She had cost the fleet a good pilot, damn near as good as she was. With her mission complete, Kara stood for a moment and bowed her head to say a few prayers for Kat. She didn't know how long she stood there, but when she raised her head, she could feel the tears that had streamed down her cheeks.

Her mission had absorbed her complete attention, she was taken off guard when someone laid a hand on her shoulder. She quickly glanced up seeing that it was Lee. "_Oh Gods, why here, why now," _she thought. Kara greeted him with a short "hi,' never breaking her stare from the wall. He had come with words she didn't want to hear. How it wasn't her fault, Kat knew the consequences of her actions. He didn't know about their conversation, how she had told Kat exactly what she thought about her past and her deception aboard the Galactica. Taking a short breath, she told Lee what he already knew by now. She was a complete frack up, a disappointment to everyone. She pulled away from him praying he would walk away and leave her alone.

Lee did the last thing she expected, in less time than it took to take a breath, Kara found herself enveloped in Lee's arms. She was reeling from the shock of feeling him against her again, it had been so long. Kara could no longer hold herself together, she felt her body sigh and shutter with emotion. Lee whispered softly words of encouragement and gradually she felt herself regain an emotional balance. She was completely stunned when she found herself being towed into a storage locker by Lee.

"_What now_," she thought to herself, all she wanted to do was return to her rack with a bottle of Chief's rotgut, and find a little peace for a while. Lee switched on a dim overhead light. Kara couldn't stand any longer, she slid down next to a large crate. Gods, she hated this, emotion was messy, and she wasn't good at showing it or dealing with it. She buried her face in her hands wishing it would all go away.

Lee returned to her side and sat down next to her leaning against the crate. He embraced her and she didn't know whether to enjoy it or run. They sat there for several moments as they let the quiet and solitude surround them. As the comfort he offered began to warm her, Kara felt Lee brush her hair away from her forehead and place a gentle kiss on the spot he bared.

For Kara, it felt has if the last year had melted away. They were once again Starbuck and Apollo, warriors, friends, drinking buddies, and star-crossed lovers. It was the last part she had the most difficulty with, she loved Lee, but knew she would destroy him. It didn't make loving him easy at all. They sat there quietly for a moment more until Lee broke the silence.

"You need to talk, I need to listen," he urged gently.

Kara didn't know what to say, so much had happened. She wasn't one to bare her soul to anyone. Lee knew more about her than anyone else in the fleet, but it didn't make confiding in him any easier.

"Lee, I can't, not now, not after everything," Kara replied.

After a moment of tense silence, she knew he wouldn't take "no," for an answer this time, so she took a shallow breath and asked, "Where do you want me to start?" Her voice sounded foreign to her ears, raspy, choked with emotion. She looked him in the eye for the first time since he confronted her in the corridor.

"Anything at all," was all she heard. Where to start? She owed Lee the truth.

"I'm sorry, Lee. I'm sorry for everything. I have carried this with me since the day I married Sam. What I did…" She couldn't go on, she had a flash of memory, of his face on the morning after her wedding. The pain that was etched in his features haunted her to this day because she had put it there. Taking a deep breath to say more, she felt Lee lift her chin, their eyes locked and held.

"I'm sorry too Kara. You're right, what I did making love to you when I knew you cared for Sam. I wasn't one of my better decisions. I think I felt trapped, I knew you wanted to settle on New Caprica and I couldn't bear the thought of letting you go without knowing how I felt. It was why I sought you out when I should have been elsewhere. I knew after the shock of your marriage that I pushed you towards it. You even said that night you weren't getting married. I knew you were with Sam, but it didn't stop me. I couldn't stop. I don't regret it, but I'm sorry." Lee explained quietly.

She wasn't sorry either, how could she be, it was the most remarkable night of her life. Kara knew a life with Lee was impossible. He was honorable and good, she was difficult and less than honorable.

"I'm not sorry about what we did either. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Gods, Lee I never meant to hurt you. When I woke up that morning all I could think about was how it was the most beautiful night of my life, but in the same moment, I knew if I let "us" happen, it would destroy us. I didn't want to lose you, so I did the one thing that pushed you away forever. I told you I'm a frack up," she declared and buried her head against his shoulder unable to look at his face.

She felt him move closer to her ear and whisper softly, "I still care for you Kara, regardless of what you think. I hurt for a long time. I was furious with you, I hated myself for what I had done. I cursed you for all the unhappiness in my life, but I know you weren't solely responsible. We both had a hand in the situation."

What to say now? Kara was quiet as she and Lee thought about the past and the future between them. There as this undeniable attraction. Was it wrong or right? Had she made a mistake in pushing Lee away? This force between them brought them together again and again. Kara in her impatience broke the silence.

"So what now, how do we move on?"

"I don't know if I can move on. Kara… I've never stopped loving you. I married Dee because I thought it would fill the void you left. The only thing I filled was my face and that didn't work at all, you saw the result."

"You were looking pretty pudgy there when we first returned to Galactica." Kara emphasized with a small smile and a poke to his midsection.

He grabbed her hand and squeezed as he responded, "Thanks, I'll remember that."

Gods, this felt so natural, talking with Lee, joking about something they both found humorous. Something happened in that moment, Kara felt the irresistible pull she always found when she was near him.

"Lee…" Kara whispered. She heard barely heard Lee's response as his lips met hers. Months faded away, the pain and guilt she had carried disappeared with his touch. His kiss was gentle and soothing, but quickly turned demanding and forceful. Kara reveled in the taste and feel of Lee. After several moments, Lee pulled away.

"We can't do this Kara…" Lee breathed only inches away. His heart was beating wildly under her hand. She knew he felt it too.

"Lee, when have you ever known me to do the right thing?"

Kara knew she was right. This was what she was best at, breaking the rules and doing what she damned well pleased. Sometimes, it was an advantage, like when she was in her Viper, other times it just landed her in trouble and hurt those around her.

Lee sat back and shook his head. He grabbed her head on either side while brushing the hair from her eyes. Kara prayed he would kiss her again. She needed him, needed the healing qualities of his touch, his words, and his concern.

Her prayers where answered as he stated quietly, "Kara, I can't stop, Gods help me, but…"

She didn't resist, but melted into him. She felt the warm and pressure of his body against hers. They slid down until they were both lying facing each other on the floor of the storage locker. Kara could not get enough of Lee, it was as if she had starved for all those months without him. Lee held her has she cried and told him of her many secrets.

She started with the Farm back on Caprica. He didn't know, she hadn't shared with him her fear and pain. She remembered being angry with him after she returned to _Astral Queen_. She refused to share her experiences there. But now, now she could tell him of the destruction she saw, fighting with the blonde Cylon, and finding the small band of resistance fighters. She broke down when she told the story of being shot and waking up in the strange hospital. Kara could barely speak when she told him of the extra surgery they performed on her and the sight of the women she found, not to mention what she had been forced to do to them.

Her stories did not get easier, she felt the fear and anger as she told them. She told him of her imprisonment by the Cylon known as Leoben. She felt him tense when she explained how she couldn't sleep because she would wake up with him standing over her in the middle of the night. Time after time she would kill him only to have him return in a new body freshly downloaded. Again, she had to pause when she told him of Kacey, the daughter she believed was hers. Did anyone know how difficult it was to let her go? Kara told him about her resentment of the child and how she was frantic with worry when Kacey was severely injured. When she returned to the Galactica and Kacey was identified and torn from her arms by her real mother, a little bit of her died. She hated the idea of motherhood, but had embraced it and was going to be happy about it. It was a huge blow when she realized the child wasn't hers.

The hardest story to relay was that of her marriage. She tensed as she began to tell Lee of her unhappiness with Sam. Although she and Sam had their difficulties, she did care for him and this confession felt more like betrayal than kissing Lee in this storage locker. She continued telling Lee small incidents that had troubled her and Sam. She stopped when she was too tired to continue. Lee hugged her tightly and she felt warm and secure for the first time in many months. How would she ever be able to give this up?

To be continued…


End file.
